SATURDAY

GOLF

Fox Sports 1, 4-9am. US PGA Tour . US Bank Championship. Second round. Champions Tour from 7, first round of 3M Championship.

BASEBALL

ESPN, 10am-1pm. US Major League . Chicago Cubs v Houston Astros.

AFL

Fox Sports 1, 2-5pm . Richmond v Essendon; Channel Ten, 2-5pm . Geelong v Western Bulldogs.

MOTOR SPORT

Channel Seven, 2-5.30pm. V8 supercars . Round seven. Qualifying and race one.

RUGBY

ABC1, 3-5pm. Shute Shield . Gordon v Warringah.

LEAGUE

Fox Sports 2, 3-9.30pm . Titans v Panthers (Toyota Cup) from 3. Titans v Panthers (first grade) from 5.30. Viewers' choice from 7.30: Sharks v Knights or Bulldogs v Warriors. Putting to one side the man's noble crusade to get rugby league players what they've always deserved - a better return on the footy cards in chip packets - On The Box was massively impressed by Mark Gasnier's take this week on the dishonoured third-party dealings that enlivened the escape clause in his five-year contract with the Dragons and have now allowed him to leave Sydney for a life of pink shirt-wearing and nudity in Paris. When he was asked on Tuesday if he could understand why Dragons fans might be angry at him for leaving, Gasnier replied: "Angry at what, you know? ... If there is anger, it should be pointed in the direction of the contractual deal that wasn't honoured." Gasnier has a point: contracts are the cancer at the heart of rugby league. As such, it surely won't come as a surprise to see hordes of Dragons fans gathering around the club headquarters this weekend and demanding the head of Gasnier's dishonoured contractual deal on a plate - or perhaps even burning an effigy of a mock contract to prove their point. Whenever a player wants to change clubs, contracts run the show. Whenever a decision has to be made on the future of the game, it has to be run past the contracts first. Whenever there's a grand final, contracts stick their noses in to spoil the party. During Origin, there are contracts. For Tests, you get contracts. Take the contracts away, and everything that's wrong with the sport - the culture of booze and violence, inconsistent application of the 10-metre rule, Paul Gallen - will go with them. As a deterrent to all existing blank documents considering forming themselves into a contract, therefore, the contract Gasnier had with the Dragons must immediately, and within full view of the public, be terminated. Then it must be rescinded, avoided, breached, repudiated, binned and crucified. Then, and only then, will we have cured the contractual rot at league's heart.

LAWN BOWLS

ABC1, 5-6pm. Welsh International Open . Semi-finals.

AFL

Fox Sports 1, 7-10pm . Brisbane v West Coast. Fox Sports Plus (518), 7-10pm . St Kilda v Hawthorn.

RUGBY

Channel Seven, 7.30-10pm; Fox Sports 3, 8-10pm. Tri Nations . Australia v South Africa.

GOLF

Fox Sports 1, 10-midnight; Channel Nine, midnight-4.30am. British Open . Third round.

CYCLING

SBS, 10pm-1.30am. Tour de France - Stage 14 . Last week On The Box put out the call for suggestions for Cadel Evans lookalikes. Well, the emails are in, the votes have been cast, and overwhelmingly, unremittingly, unquestionably, there weren't that many of them. Just 16 wrote in with suggestions, a paltry return when you consider that this column will bring in 648,000 new readers for the Herald this weekend alone (yes, most of them will be 17, Catholic, and from Poland, but so what?). Six readers wrote to say Evans "dead-set" (our gloss) looks like one of the Thunderbirds (most likely Virgil Tracy or Parker), with one (we'll even name the man, he went to so much trouble - Max Evans of Balgowlah Heights) proving once and for all there really is nothing to do in Balgowlah Heights on a Saturday by sending in a fully Photoshopped montage of Evans and Tracy brothers comparison shots. Another three claimed for Evans the status of Craig Lowndes's long-lost twin. One reader and self-confessed "Paul Sherwen fan" claimed Evans most resembles a young Sam Neill, while another seemed convinced he looks like Gig Young - "in a more intense, compact, muscled-up and fitter kind of way", our correspondent claimed (but what we'd like to know is, is there any other way to look like Gig Young, these days at least? In saying this, we should make it clear we have no idea who Gig Young is). Two agreed with my suggestion from last week that he looks a little like Ray Liotta, but they both also began their emails with fawning tributes to what they described as this column's "unrivalled comic genius", so there's a strong possibility they were written by my mum from prank email accounts. Another two readers felt Evans resembles a "young Kirk Douglas", with one of them adding he also reminds her of Montgomery Clift ("similar eyes, the same air of vulnerability and the sense of being an outsider with great legs" - precisely the look Cadel's going for, I'm sure), while our final correspondent told us to "stop making meaningless, stupid, uninformed comments about sport and focus on proper reporting", which we're going to take as another vote for Gig Young. Tally up the votes and the conclusion is clear: Evans looks like a Thunderbird. The eyebrows, the jaw, the inability to attack on the mountain stages, the teariness on the podium and the extreme irritability at any French reporter who brings a boom mic within 50m of his superficial shoulder and thigh injuries: the similarity is uncanny. To those who wrote in, thanks and please be assured that as you have allowed us to pad part of our column out with other people's gags, you will each (with one exception) receive a pro rata payment for your efforts, rounded up to the nearest cent and adjusted for inflation, of $0.01. The exception is Max Evans, who will get $0.02. Cheers!

CRICKET

Fox Sports 3, 10.30pm-3am. Second Test . England v South Africa, day two.

GAELIC FOOTBALL

Setanta Sports, 1.45-4am. Connacht Senior Football Championship final . Galway v Mayo.

AND ON RADIO ...

2KY, midday-midnight - racing ; 702 ABC, midday-10pm - Grandstand , includes Richmond v Essendon from 2, Titans v Panthers from 5.30 and Wallabies v Springboks from 8.

SUNDAY

GOLF

Fox Sports 1, 4-9am. US PGA Tour . US Bank Championship. Third round. 3M Championship from 7. Second round.

BASEBALL

Fox Sports 2, 5.30-9am. US Major League . Los Angeles Angels v Boston.

PAPISTRY

SBS, 9.15am-1pm. World Youth Day Mass . From Randwick Racecourse. This is the big one - the moment we've all been waiting for. The day when ol' mate Ratzinger slips on the red shoes, hits the turf and lifts up some veiled jugs in glorification of the Lord. It promises to be huge, but questions remain. For instance, as the papal mass is being held in a temple of gambling, will bets be allowed to be placed on today's events? Instead of first try scorer, will there be the option of a wager on first communion recipient? Instead of final score, will pilgrims be doling out the cash on final sacrament? Please send all responses, complaints and death threats to: The Hon Brendan Nelson MP, House of Representatives, Parliament House, Canberra ACT 2600.

LEAGUE

Fox Sports 2, 11.30am-4pm . Raiders v Roosters (Toyota Cup) from 11.30. Raiders v Roosters (first grade) from 2.

MOTOR SPORT

Channel Seven, midday-3pm. V8 supercars . Races two and three.

AFL

Fox Sports 1, 1-7.30pm . Carlton v Sydney. Fremantle v Melbourne from 4.30. Delayed telecast of Swans game on Channel Seven, 3-5pm.

LEAGUE

Channel Nine, 4-6pm . Rabbitohs v Tigers. So Willie Mason is league's most overrated player, beating Benji Marshall (undeserved) and Ryan Hoffman (deserved) to the top spot in Rugby League Week 's player poll. But where the hell was Anthony Quinn? Anyone who saw Origin III would already be well acquainted with the man's complete inability to jump, catch a ball, land a tackle or make a break - although in fairness to him, he was playing on that occasion opposite Israel Folau, a man whose abilities he would have been largely ignorant of, having only had the better part of the past two years on the Storm training ground to become acquainted with them. By contrast, on Monday night at Campbelltown Stadium, Quinn came up against one of the lamest defences - and one of the softest packs - in the NRL, and still did nothing. It was entertaining to watch the contrast between the way Greg Inglis and Billy Slater behaved on the field in that game - running, pawing tacklers out of the way, sitting Tigers defenders on their arses - and the way Quinn carried himself - falling over, not touching the ball, looking useless. If he isn't the most overrated winger in the game, we'll buy a packet of chips and give Mark Gasnier $2000 for his Tazo card.

MOTOR SPORT

Fox Sports 2, 7.30pm-1am. World superbike championship . Round nine from the Czech Republic.

CRICKET

Fox Sports 3, 7.30pm-3am. Second Test . England v South Africa, day three.

GOLF

Fox Sports 1, 8-11pm; Channel Nine, 11.30pm-4.30am. British Open . Final round.

CYCLING

SBS, 10pm-2am. Tour de France . Stage 15. On Cadel Evans again, has anyone else noticed his accent becoming increasingly French as the Tour goes on? At the beginning, the man was the very soul of outback self-effacement, claiming in a broad Australian accent it would be "nice" if he won the Tour, that that was the "aim" this year, and so on - good, solid, middle-of-the-road press conference chaff. In the past week, however, Evans has been coming over all Frog-like, dropping his final consonants with reckless abandon, splashing some exceptionally showy vowels around the place, and screwing his body up into the position beloved of every French waiter called on to do some work: shoulders shrugged, mouth downturned, ready to go on strike. On Monday night, for instance, when he rode to the yellow jersey in the manner beloved of all previous Tour greats (that is, by sitting back while a group of better-credentialled climbers rode away with the stage and checking to make sure his immediate rivals weren't getting too far ahead of him), Evans was asked to express how he felt. After he'd addressed that bit of the question, he then said what sounded - to us, at least - like the following: "Mah friends in Ostralia should oll 'av some brrrrr and some shomparn for mii to-nuht." Seriously, it was as if the guy had just come from his elocution class with Mary Donaldson, or something. When Australians start talking funny, it means they've made it. It must mean Evans is well and truly on the verge of something great - or at the very least, that he is on the verge of holding on to the yellow jersey for a couple more stages, before he gets swallowed whole across the Alps by the talented band of sprinters, climbers, classement general aspirants and all-round tempo-setting freaks.

GAELIC FOOTBALL

Setanta Sports, 10pm-3am. Ulster Senior Football Championship final . Armagh v Fermanagh. Leinster Football Senior Championship final from 1. Wexford v Dublin.

MOTOR SPORT

Channel Ten, 11.30pm-2am. Formula One . German Grand Prix.

AND ON RADIO ...

702 ABC, midday-6pm - Grandstand , includes Raiders v Roosters (first half only) from 2 and Rabbitohs v Tigers from 3; 630 ABC NewsRadio, 1-4pm - Carlton v Sydney.

aaron.timms@gmail.com